Stumbling blocks and fear

So I spent most the time from 9:30 am till 1:00 pm crying. We're talking the big crocodile tears...ones that leave marks on your shirt. Not ugly face crying just sadness. These tears are not because I found out today that my pelvis is 7-9 mm lower in the left than the right or that I have arthritis in my lower back or that I have a sway in my back that is a good 10 degrees off than what is normal. All these things are fixable and hopefully will be much better after 6 weeks of care. 

No the reason I was crying these crocodile tears that I see so many of my preschoolers cry is because of fear. Because with these health problems come the requirement that I scale (to a high degree) everything at CrossFit. You see it started almost three weeks ago with some muscle pain. I didn't think much of it and continued when it didn't get better I tried a massage. Thankfully I saw improvement for a day or two, but when it came time to workout again all the pain was back. So I took myself to the chiropractor and after this morning's visit the above mentioned are the results. It seems that my muscles on the right side are working extra hard to pull up the left pelvis to no avail, hence some of the pain. Most people would be so worried about this diagnosis and what came next and don't get me wrong I have my concerns, but they all tie into fear. 


Fear that it won't get better and ever getting back to my full capacity at CrossFit will never happen. 


Fear that I have damaged my body beyond repair because of my horrible habits in the past.


Fear that this will push me to quit. (I have already been close a couple of times today) 


Fear of gaining all 45 lbs I have lost and then some back. 


Fear of not being able to get past this point and not achieving my finial goal. 


Fear that I'm going to let this stumbling block stop me completely.

Even I write this though there is a still small voice telling me I have this. Even if I feel like it is pointless for me to still go to CrossFit because I'm not even close to being able to do the full WOD. Even if I can't run (cause I can't). Even if I can't lift the weight I'm used to (cause I can't). As I have thought and cried that voice tells me I will over come this. It was Elijah that heard the still small voice of God in the wind. I'm no Elijah and there is it a crazy person after me. But I know that if I'm going to make it through the next six weeks (maybe more) of sticking to my goals and staying on track drawing my strength from God is the only way it's going to be possible. But that doesn't mean that there won't be more tears along the way...

This situation is not life threatening...I have been told I will get back to my old CrossFit self one day (sooner rather than later I hope). But in the mean time I guess I will really have to watch my eating and if anyone wants to go for a walk...just give me a call. 

I think I need to go download Mandisa's 'Overcomer' something tells me it my come in handy soon...