What it Feels Like

I'm back!!! So it has been a very long time since I last posted. I have thought about posting every now and then but could never really think of anything to write. A lot has happened since last time, my wonderful grandfather passed away shortly after my last post. Still does not seem real at times and every time I remember the pain seems to come back just as strong. 

As I was walking tonight and listen to my iPod a song came on that I heard right after my grandfather passed away. It is "What it Feel like" by FFH, if you have never heard it...you should go look it up its a great song. There is a point in the song where it says "And this may not be the road I would choose for me but it still feels right somehow ". As I was walking I could not help but laugh to  myself a bit. Here I am in New Orleans and getting my Masters. I never pictured myself getting my Masters or moving any where close to here and I had other plans already in place, how I wanted my life to go. It is amazing how God works.  Even thought this is not the road or path envisioned my life taking it does feel right. The line goes on to say: "And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now". While I know that I can always get closer to God every day, I find that the more I trust him and follow his plan the more closer I feel to him. 

I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Every day I have to remind myself that he does not have plans to hurt me but plans for love. Often time the plans that he has will be greater then anything we could ever plan ourselves.  I want to leave you with a video I found of the song . I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do. Just remember, in sad times or hard times or times of no understanding the Lord is always there and in those time is when you can grow even closer to our the Lord.

Overload

It funny how words that we use daily can sometimes not be found in the English dictionary. Now I'll grant  you this I only looked this word up on Webster.com, so who is to say that you could not find it else where. If you have not figured out what word I am talking about just check out the title of my post.."overload". Think about how many times you either think, say or refer to the idea of being overloaded. We use is to much in reference to being overloaded at work, emotionally overloaded,  or physically overloaded. I am sure there are other references to this idea as well. It has been a week for the books for me. And it all started last Wednesday, when I found out that my grandfather would not be recovering from the long battle he has been fighting over the past three months. Some of you have read my past post and know most of the story. He has become too weak to fight anymore and hospice has been called in. I continue to pray but I also know that he is tried and I truly believes that he is ready to go home and most likely not this earthy home. Which even now makes me cry but I know he will be without pain there. My plans for fall break change but more was to come. I went home visited him and family and then headed to Ruston to visit friends.

On my way home that Sunday I heard the news that my maw maw(my dad's mom) was probably not going to make it through the next 24 hours. About four hours later I got the call while at home with my sister, my maw maw had passed away. This was very heart breaking, my maw maw was one of the Godliest women I have ever known. She and her husband practically built the church that I grew up in from the ground up. She had been suffering from Alzheimer for some time. She will be missed but I know that she is in heaven whole and hanging out with Jesus. The visitation was Tuesday and the funeral Wednesday. I then started the long trip back south on Thursday morning in the rain.

Sooo, to say that I am emotionally overloaded is an understatement. Place this on top of the fact that I really did not get any home work done this week and I have Fall Festival at my church. It all seems like the walls just may come crashing down! It is how other aspects of life can affect how a person interprets other incidents and things that are said or seen. Some thing that can seem so innocent or have nothing to do with  you can tend to affect some one more then is necessary. Now truth be told this may just be because I am a girl and well lets face it, girls tend to be more emotional then boys. Yes guys we admit to it, ok maybe not all of us but it is true.

However, I say all that mostly because I needed to let go, I needed to just be able to share my feelings. I do have comfort however, I know that I will see my maw maw again and while I don't know if I will see my grandfather again alive on this earth I know I will see him again one day in Heaven. While I may be overloaded school and work wise..I know that the Fall Festival is going to be a blast and I could not have pulled it off with out the amazing help of other people at my church. And while I may not do that well on the school work that I have coming I know that "this too shall pass" and that I will make it and as long as I learn what I need to I will be ok.

I think the one thing that I am learning more and more daily is to Trust in the Lord! It is a lesson that we learn with each new trial, each new assignment, and each new day.

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah

Psalm 62:8

I wish I could say that I stick to this verse on a daily bases that I pour out my heart to him that I place my trust always in him. But I don't because I am human. In fact I really had no intention to have this post head in the direction of scripture, but...as I keep reading the words "God is our refuge" I am reminded that he loves us no matter whether or not we remember this and other verses like it daily. 

"What if?"

That is such a loaded question. I have learned through out the year that I can be a what if person. What if this happens..what if that? I should probably be asleep considering the fact that I have two ear infections and a sinus infection. But I was given a Celestone shot and so I am wide awake. Anyway back to the topic. I remember when I was younger becoming scared when I asked the what if questions too much. I could build up these big problems that were way to ridiculous to probably ever come true. I remember one time my mom made some hamburger helper with some meat and she did not know for sure whether it was still good and so she joked about us all getting sick and having to go to the hospital and possibly dieing. (Please know she was joking and my family some times has a strange since of humor). I remember coming into the room that night scared to death thinking what if we die. Of course come to think of it I may have been the one that imagined up the dieing part. What can I say I have a nak for worrying...sadly it runs in my family. Any way growing up it only got worse...I could "what if?" anything and believe me I did. But in the past few years I have also realized that having a "what if?" way of thinking really does no one any good.

I mean as humans we are always going to fall in to the trap sometimes of "what ifs". What if I had chosen a different college..or what if I had chosen different friends....what if such and such had not happened in my past. I think that is one question that has plagued me a good bit. For those that don't know my biological father died in a car accident when I was two. I have no memories of him..only pictures. I think my older sister has some memories but does not share them nor does my mom. But I often wonder what would be different if he had not died? Would I still be where I am today...would I have made it here earlier...how would life be different?

But anyway I digress....being a what if person is never healthy...I do believe Jesus said in one of my favorite passages "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew6:27. How true is this, in fact if you look at the following two statements I think you will find it actually can take years away: Stress contributes to heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes, and other illnesses in many individuals and stress also affects the immune system, which protects us from many serious diseases.

I am sure all of you already know all of these facts. I only bring it up because I think in this time worry is something everyone is doing more and more. Are their problems in the world...yes...will we have all the answers...no. If we did have all the answers I think that we might not find ourselves a little less likely to have faith. I am writing this and ever as we speak I am worried about my grandfather, my family...how I am going to finish all the assignments I have this semester(lol).

Anyway...I wish that I could say that I am no longer a worrier but its just not true. But I am reminded of this verse every time I begin to worry. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34 Life is going to have its ups and downs its sad and good times...but as long as we lean on the Lord and put our faith in him we will be OK. Grant it things may not always turn out the way we want or expected to but God is in control. I am learning to lean more and more on that fact everyday.

Anyway...those are my thoughts..nothing profound or new...just a small piece of me that I wanted to share. Love ya and God bless!

Can I have some of my summer back?

Hey folks, I can not believe that it is already August it seems just like yesterday that I was getting ready to move to Hammond for the summer. Now school is starting again! I keep asking if I can have some of my summer back but I am fairly certain it will not be happening. I have had an eventful summer in so many ways. First came VBS, the first one that I was in charge of and responsible for completely. I was blessed to have an amazing team of volunteers. We had a blast and I hope the kids did as well.

Then came my Peru Mission trip. Most of ya'll know about my trip to Peru and I thank you so much for your prayers while we were there. It was my first International Mission trip and most or our teams first International Mission trip. And I loved it. If you have not checked out my pictures on Facebook you should. Peru has some of the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen but it is a country with poverty and the lost.

Most of you also know that my grandfather was having a very hard time recovering from having his bladder removed because of cancer. It was very rough there for a while. His kidneys began to fail him a short time later and he had to go on diylas for a short time. I went and visited him and he did not really know I was there but also he really did not know who I was. I am happy to report that he is getting better. He has his good days and bad. I talked to my mom the other day and she told me he got sick to his stomach and would no eat the next day because of it. Thanks to all of you who have praying and I thank you so much if you are still praying.

The last big event of the summer was camp. We headed to Mississippi College for Centri-Kid and had a blast. We had a few bumps but I think it was a great week. Several kids made decisions and we saw God work. Again I could not ask for better help for camp. For church I made a slide show of camp. I am quite proud of this video, it is my first time to make one not using Power Point but an actually video making program. So that being said I have down loaded below for you to see.

I have learned a lot throughout the summer. I have learned that I like to have control of situations much more than I ever thought. But I have learned how to delegate jobs and that something does not always have to be perfect. I have also learned how to deal with conflict or opposing views. I am normally a person that will shy away from conflict but I think that that area of my personality is slowly being worked on. I think that something that God is really working on me with is my need for approval from others. I am slowly learning that I need to seek God's approval first and his will for what needs to be done.

I think this year will bring even new adventures and new lessons and I can't wait. If you made it this far thanks for taking the time to read my post and I hope that you enjoyed. Later!

Sorry for the long wait.

Hey folks sorry that I have not written in a while. We came down from the mountains and did not have computer access the rest of our time in Peru. After we returned I got sick spent a little time in the ER...but all is well now. The Peru mission trip was amazing. I am not sure that words can describe how great the trip was. If you ever have time for coffee and want to hear a good story and hear about some of the amazing things God did give me a call.

As many of you know my grandfather had his bladder removed two weeks ago tomorrow because his bladder cancer had returned and was removing the his bladder was the only way to get rid of he cancer. I later updated that he had had some internal bleeding and we came very close to losing him. The doctors had to go back in to clean him up and make sure everything was closed up. Well, he was eventually moved out of ICU and into a normal room. I wish I could say he was on his way home. I called my grandmother today just to talk to her and get an update and she gave me some disappointing news.

She informed me that my grandfather had a set back in his progress. I knew he was having a hard time. He was having trouble healing and did not have much of an appetite which made it hard to get his strength up. She told me today that he has come down with an infection and has been put back on the tubes and such. Also that he has gone not back into ICU but into a level of care just below that. He is in great need of prayer. I asked my grandmother if he had ever asked Christ into his heart and she said that they both had. Which eased some of my fear..but I am still not ready to lose him. I fully believe that God is the great healer and that He can do anything. I love my grandfather so much he means so much to me. My grandmother said that he is really scared right now and that the whole family is. I am just receiving this information about his health so I am now joining the group. I know that the Bible tells us not to worry but I guess human nature gets in the way.

I am saying all this to ask. Please be in prayer for my grandfather and for my family. I love him very much and want him to be around when I get married and all that fun stuff. Also please pray for my grandmother, she and my grandfather have been married for over 50 years. While I was on the phone with her she broke down a little. I really just wish that I could give them both a big hug and kiss. Also my dad, he was the one that had to tell my grandmother when they almost lost my grandfather. He is being a rock for my family and I love him even more for that.

Thank you so much for your prayers!

Almost over :(

WOW!! It is hard to believe that we are almost done teaching at the conference. Today went wonderfully. I know that as of yesterday we had 192 people registared. It amazes me how far some of these people walked for this conference. There was one family that walked an hour and a half with four kids and one of baby strapped to the mother´s back, just to come to this conference. Yet we sometimes complain about getting a parking spot in the back for the mall parking lot.

There are a few of us working with the kids. We were blessed to have a lot of people join our team who speak Spanish, if not for them I am not sure what we would do. Some of the kids today started to ask one of our translaters how do say something in English and then they would run up to me and repeat what he had told them. Seeing them try so hard makes me want to learn as much Spanish as I can. Everyone at the conference is so kind and appericative of us being here. They are also so humble. We gave out bags to the ladies with crayons, a bottle of glue and a pair of scissiors and you would think they received a new car. It makes me realize how unappericative I can be sometimes.

As for the transportation strike it is over, it kind of fizzled out here where we are with no real problem. Just another one of God´s many mircles on this trip. I can not wait till you here about all of them. This is defintaly a mission trip to remember for many reasons.

Tomorrow we will be going into two public schools to share the gospel with children there. After that we will be doing open air evanglism on the streets of the city. After that we will have a little more speaking at the conference. Please be pray for us as we look for people to share God´s love with. That our eyes will be open to those who are hurting and in pain. Also pray for our safety as we will be heading back over the mountains on Saturday. I am not sure if I will get to post again before we leave so I thank you for all your prayers.

Also my grandfather is doing well. I was not able to talk to anyone today, but my parents had to leave town and said they would only do so if he was ok. So that fact that they are out of town now tells me that he is doing well. Thank you for your prayers!!!

Wow, I need to get to bed got to get up early!!!

God´s wonders Never Cease

So the first day of the conference went really well and from what I understand one of the ladies accepted Christ tonight as well. Praise the Lord!!!

Here is another mircale to go along with all the others that the Lord has blessed us with. There is a country wide transportation strike going on right now in Peru. However, evey city except for Huancayo. Taxis were running, buses, and anything that carried passagers. If that was not God´s hand on us I don´t know what you would call it.

Tomorrow is the second day please continue to pray for us as we follow God´s will. Also that we can get over the language barrier that exists. I am so thankful for our translaters that we have they have been so helpful. Also, many of you know that my grandfater had surgery to remove his bladder because he had bladder cancer. I called my parents yesterday and they said that everything was great except that his blood pressure was a little low. Well, I called this morning for an update. My gradfather started bleeding internally and they almost lost him but we didn´t. The docters took him back in to surgery cleaned the blood out and made sure everything was the way it should be. My mom told my that he is stable but will have to be in intensive care. I want to thank you all so much for your prayers. Please contiune to pray for my family, my grandfather and for me so that I can focus on what God calles me to do here.

Thank you for your prayers!!!