Grace...grace...God's grace...

I have been struggling lately…probably longer than lately but struggling none the less. You see I was always considered the perfect child. I don’t say that to bash the rest of my family, but you can ask my sisters and they will tell you I have pretty much walked the line since birth. If my mom said jump, I did. I couldn’t and still can’t tell a lie to save my life. The guilt gets to me and even more so after I became a Christian. I also never wanted to fail, I hate the word. I remember when I had planned an outreach event for a church where I was serving and I just wasn’t able to make it happen. I was in tears in my pastor’s office about how I had failed. Also, when I was in seminary, so many times in seminary, when I didn’t do so hot on an assignment, I would be in tears about it. You can ask my roommate, she was there when I broke down over not being able to answer a question in Systemic Theology, here’s looking at you Dr. Putman, it wasn’t you it was all me. You see I have never viewed failure as an option, when I do and have it has been a blow to myself image. I have and still do at times see my self-worth in what I can accomplish, how good I can be.

You know I think it’s funny, because I had a salvation conversation with a kid this past Sunday and I asked if you could be “good enough” to have forgiveness and go to heaven. He responded with no and he’s right there’s not anything we can do to get to heaven or to have salvation beyond giving our lives to Christ and accepting his love and forgiveness. I love teaching the new believer’s class. I especially love teaching the meanings of grace and mercy. I look at these kids and think the worse thing you do right now is disobey your parents or maybe tell a lie and, in their minds, it is the worse sin. But thankfully we have mercy which means we aren’t punished for what we did/do and grace is when we get more than we deserve. I love it because God gives us so much more mercy and grace than we deserve. I think as a kid we get it and we understand it, but then as an adult we have a bigger problem understanding it, because our sins might be a little bit bigger and a little bit more glaring. But also, because we don’t give ourselves grace, mercy or the ability to fail, so we don’t know how God can, but he does and will.

I have to learn to do this, give myself grace and forgiveness. I have to learn to realize I am going to fail, I am going to mess up, but what else to be expected, I am human. I think the big thing is to not go out of my way to mess up, but just as God gives me grace, I have to give myself and others grace. We are all human and those trying to live a life according to how Christ called you to live, it means loving others even when you don’t agree with them. So today I say, give yourself a little grace and love, and also others. I love this quote, it speaks to my heart every time.